Tuesday, 15 July 2014


'That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt.' - The Fault In Our Stars.

You're going thru a breakup, you were betrayed. A loved one passed away and all the devastating situations that happened to you. We all know that there are two types of pain -PHYSICAL and EMOTIONAL- and they shouldnt be compared. You cant do anything about it, being depressed about it doesnt do something good, itll only make the situation worse. Yes you are sad but, please that hopeful kind of sad. The sooner you feel pain, the sooner its over. So dont bottle things up. Give yourself time to feel. Let it consume you but not for too long.

                                            Love always,

Dear Friend,

16th of July 2014
11: 13 AM

I watched titanic today. 18 years of my existence i am so proud to say ive watched it for hundred times (DUH, this movie never gets old). I will never be get over it, still gives me pain and hit me right thru my chest. I dont know if its lame but i spent most of my times crying at movies which is so unhealthy (especially at 4 AM). Okay, lets not talk about that. What does Jack Dawson's last word say? 'you dont need to give up no matter how hopeless the situation was'. Words from him that really hits me, we have to practice it in our life. I am still trying to figured out how could that be. I hope Jack was alive, though. I get a grief feeling when talking about the titanic's ending which is Mr. Dawson's death. I cant seem to get rid of the fact that Rose is so fucking selfish (i am so sorry for swearing and i know its ridiculous) If you really anticipate it, there's a room for two in that plank. But, because rose is so damn selfish she lets jack stay in a bloody cold water of atlantic. I HATE IT! I HATE IT MORE THAN EVER! I dont mean to rant or more likely scream here because of overly used exclamation point, In addition to that, LIFE IS SELFISH BUT DONT YOU DARE GIVE UP NO MATTER HOW HOPELESS THE SITUATION MAY BE.


                                                          Love always,

Monday, 14 July 2014

Dear Friend,

15th of July 2014
12: 06 PM

There is one outstanding trait about me that can strike anyone who knew me all my life. And that is, my knowledge about myself (and i am still figuring things about me so..) i know myself better than anyone, especially those who judge me. I would not change a thing just to please them or make them like me and be happy about it. That is a BULLSHIT thing to do. No one have to. NO ONE SHOULD. I get a sudden feeling of annoyance when someone is trying to ruin that one good thing about everyone, pointing out our flaws and later on use it against me, us. Sometimes, making joke about it is my defense mechanism so they wouldnt think i am feeling depressed. I dont know why its such a big deal for them which i dont give a fuck. You know its really safe to say that people really and i mean REALLY love to put each other down, attack you at the back without any warning. With that being said,WE ARE AN ACTUAL LIVING. WE BREATHE, WE FEEL PAIN, ANNOYANCE, RIDICULED. WE DO HAVE FEELINGS. I am a person that doesnt give a damn about it. I can handle the heat if you want to play fire. I can make lemonade if you threw me some lemons. I am still trying to understand those people wasting their time ridiculing someone and something they dont like instead of appreciating it. *SIGH.
I dont mean i am a saint that i dont practice that too. I also judge people at first but not to the extent that i am starting to give them a devastating and horrible life by ruining that one good thing in them. (you know i am an a-hole but secretly nice) I manage to keep my mouth shut than say something bad and feel good about it. Like my sister always tell me 'if you dont have nothing to day, dont say nothing at all'. I am my fathers daughter and i know myself than anyone of you. You know i thank those who dragged me down because they are the main reason that i get better and better. Lets just et everything (or everybody) that gives you negative vibes, because at the end of the day its always YOU who knows the whole story and forget the drama theyre working on (and i am completely sure that it wont even be nominated in OSCARS, NOT!!)
And remember, in every awful situation its VINDICATION.

                                                              Love always,

Sunday, 13 July 2014

Dear Friend,

14th of July 2014
02: 47 PM
Diary #6

Life has been amazing lately. Ive spent most of my days sleeping and eating (pros and cons of having taken a year off of school while all your friends and mates are busy studying) I work best when i lack sleep. And with that being said, my writing process turns out to be so philosophical and too deep, which i didn't intend to do it for a shallow reason but to improve my writings. Well, how vain of me to explain that.
Finally Ive gotten right back into writing after a long procrastinating and revising (and should i say blame my eating and sleeping habits and schedules) HAHA! You know i have a massive ideas and thoughts i wanted to share but due to fangirling too much i seem to have lack to review my process and those ideas are vanished. So i have to go over my wits and twitch again.
How does that 1D song go? Dont look back, live your life cause it makes you feel alive (YES I AM USING MY FANGIRLING IN AN ETHICAL WAY) I said this a million times but its worth to be said, you have to live your life moving forward not back. We love to assume things and get trapped to it. Sometimes, people stuck in a situation that doesnt exist anymore and now theyre missing a good show because they arent strong enough to let go of that unsure situation. And eventually, those who are stuck to move will end up straining themselves and break into a million pieces.   I am not being preachy or anything but those situations happens to be a lesson learned, so be ALIVE and never look back. Everything will be all right, not now, but in a little while. You cant have something that doesnt exist anymore.

I hope you had a good day.

                                                                 Love always,

Monday, 23 September 2013

Dear Family,

Monday, 23rd September 2013
22: 14 PM
Diary #5

Dear Family,
                  I just want you to know that I love you guys so much. You know I can do anything for you. I know I may be immature at most times, but I know you know that I am just confused and trying to figure out who I was. The real me. You know I am trying to be more responsible about everything.
                  I know I always disappoints you sometimes (or maybe most times). It just kills me about how you feel about me and how you wanted the best of me but disappoints you. Every time Ive done wrong. I am trying to patch things up. You know I wont trade you guys to anything in this world. I only have one family, You guys. For bad or good. I have one family and I cant trade you to anything.
                  Its hard for me because you wanted me to be better at anything, but I gave you nothing. When I quit Uni, i know that you are so disappointed about me and even though you wont utter a word I can feel it and I can see it. Its hard to fathom for all of it.Well, I am trying to find myself to compensate about everything I was before. I just wanted you guys to know that I will stick to you guys no matter what.
                  Because I know 'sticking with your family is what makes it a family'. And thats what Im doing. Im going to stick to you guys forever :D

                                                                Love always,

Thursday, 19 September 2013

Poetry # 3

By Aubrey Bareno

Raging winter from the kingdom of ice
Covering the earth with cold and snow
Shivering mountains and blackened sky
That starts innumerable armies of ice.

Like wind they travel fast,
Defiling landscapes from all the kingdoms.
Kings and tyrants from the holy land
Uniting fire in their hands.

With the ivory swords of kings
Like gods they will become,
Darkness and light will soon collide;
Through the wide open land.

Saturday, 24 August 2013

Poetry #2

" Second best "
by Aubrey Bareno

She's so sick of never being beautiful enough.
Never being stronger or better in every way
She's so sick of going home everyday,
And wishing she was someone else.

For once she wants to look in the mirror
Be happy for what she sees back.
She's so sick of everyone telling her;
"You can do so much better than that".

Maybe she can't. People talking behind her back.
She's sick of people bringing her down
Telling her she isn't good enough.
But I guess all she really wants is to be more than SECOND BEST..