Monday, 23 September 2013

Dear Family,

Monday, 23rd September 2013
22: 14 PM
Diary #5


Dear Family,
                  I just want you to know that I love you guys so much. You know I can do anything for you. I know I may be immature at most times, but I know you know that I am just confused and trying to figure out who I was. The real me. You know I am trying to be more responsible about everything.
                  I know I always disappoints you sometimes (or maybe most times). It just kills me about how you feel about me and how you wanted the best of me but disappoints you. Every time Ive done wrong. I am trying to patch things up. You know I wont trade you guys to anything in this world. I only have one family, You guys. For bad or good. I have one family and I cant trade you to anything.
                  Its hard for me because you wanted me to be better at anything, but I gave you nothing. When I quit Uni, i know that you are so disappointed about me and even though you wont utter a word I can feel it and I can see it. Its hard to fathom for all of it.Well, I am trying to find myself to compensate about everything I was before. I just wanted you guys to know that I will stick to you guys no matter what.
                  Because I know 'sticking with your family is what makes it a family'. And thats what Im doing. Im going to stick to you guys forever :D

                                                                Love always,
                                                                Aubrey

Sunday, 22 September 2013

Photography #1

"BLOSSOM"


I once believed that life was a gift.
I thought whatever I wanted I would someday possess. 
Is that greed, or only youth? Is it hope or stupidity?
As far as I was concerned the future was a book.



I could write to suit myself, Chapter after chapter of good fortune.
All was right with the world, and my place in it was assured, or so I thought then.



I had no Idea that all stories unfold like white flowers, petal by petal, each in its own time
and season, dependent on circumstance and fate.

The future is something NO ONE CAN FORETELL.


----------------

This is my first photography on my blog. It wasn't a good one but I just wanted to share it and my thoughts about life, future, nature and everything.


                                                         Love always,
                                                         Aubrey

Thursday, 19 September 2013

Poetry # 3



"Collide"
By Aubrey Bareno


Raging winter from the kingdom of ice
Covering the earth with cold and snow
Shivering mountains and blackened sky
That starts innumerable armies of ice.

Like wind they travel fast,
Defiling landscapes from all the kingdoms.
Kings and tyrants from the holy land
Uniting fire in their hands.

With the ivory swords of kings
Like gods they will become,
Darkness and light will soon collide;
Through the wide open land.

Saturday, 24 August 2013

Poetry #2

" Second best "
by Aubrey Bareno


She's so sick of never being beautiful enough.
Never being stronger or better in every way
She's so sick of going home everyday,
And wishing she was someone else.

For once she wants to look in the mirror
Be happy for what she sees back.
She's so sick of everyone telling her;
"You can do so much better than that".

Maybe she can't. People talking behind her back.
She's sick of people bringing her down
Telling her she isn't good enough.
But I guess all she really wants is to be more than SECOND BEST..

Poetry #1

" At 4 am "
by Aubrey Bareno


It was 4 am. She lays in her head.
Listening to her favourite band
Thinking of all the things she has done wrong.
It was 4 am and she thinks of all those who left,
Blames herself for them leaving.

It was 4 am. She's looking at the window pane
Wondering if someone out there wants her gone.
She was listening to sad songs
Suddenly she starts crying. Finally lets it all out.
It was 4 am. She is not strong as she once was.

Sunday, 18 August 2013

Dear friend,

18th of August 2013
10 : 20 PM
Diary #4



I have a bunch of questions in my head. Like, Why people are scared to be left alone? Left behind? And companion less? I've met a bunch of person in my life that really are scared of all the questions in the back of my head. Well, me? I am not really scared to be left alone, I can manage to go thru life without any companion. I really can. Weird right? I know..
I've been into prom without a date, I manage to be single for 4 years. If I will be marooned in a deserted island, i prefer to be alone (Not really, if I will be? I prefer Charlie Kelmeckies to be with me... LOL)
I have no idea what's the idea of me being a loner. Maybe because I grew up in a small town. A big house with a huge bedroom and a walk-in library. YES!! I grew up with that...
I am currently reading Green Angel by Alice Hoffman. Inspiration about my diary blog post.

That's basically it for today. Hope you are having a great Sunday...

                                            Love always,
                                            Aubrey

                     

Saturday, 17 August 2013

Dear friend,

6th of October 2012,
1 : 15 PM
Diary #3


I was in deep sadness. I can't control my tears flowing down to my cheeks. I have no place to go. No place.
I wanted to end my sorrow. Right now! I am so depressed that I keep on blaming myself for every single mistakes happens. I wanted to end it. I want to just die! I don't know what to do.
I cut myself. Next is a long silence... A very long one. I can't hear anything but the beat of heart slowly turning down. Slowly. Muting. Fading.

And I heard something. I heard a voice. Its not clear but I can hear it. An angelic and modest voice. One that manifests goodness and purity. A voice whom I seek for ages.

Then, slowly, the sound of my surroundings is coming back to me. Like a signal. Going back to normalcy.
Husky voices, Sniffs, Scratching sound of table trying to put into a new place, sound of the birds, singing. My heart beat is in normal now. I was concious.
I found myself lying on the floor, I was holding a sharp blade on my right arm. I saw a blood. My pulse on my left arm is covered with blood. Frightened as I pick up the towel in the hamper beside me. I rub off the blood and covered it. Good thing I wasn't panicking of seeing those blood almost covering my left hand.

What the hell did I do? What did I just do?

Query in my head. I get up and sit to a lumpy striped mattress. I tried to think and restore my thoughts. I just cant remember a thing. I pick up my iPod and played "Asleep" by The smiths. I put the volume on max.
I need it! I have to relax. I have to.
In able to think. I close my eyes and think comprehensibly. I am breaking down to pieces. I am having a rough situation that I keep fantasizing that I will be a pale, cold dead body now. I am in deep depression.
Unexpectedly, the voice pop up in the back of my head. I can't seem to understand all the words. But I know its him. Really Is him.

It took me so long to be back to pieces... But, I managed to be alive.

Now, I am still dealing with depression every time I'm alone. I've undergo further treatment, and starting to feel okay... Good thing books, music and writing Is helping me to get over this...
I hope I'll be better soon....


                                                                  Love always,
                                                                  Aubrey